Tonight, Love stopped by.
There is a sharp familiar stench of burnt rose candles as I enter the new house from the starlight hour. The lucid moonlight barges in from the gigantic mullioned window and floods the room, restricting my vision to monochrome. I am home, the tiny voice in my head says, but something feels off.
The tiled floor is already sucking my warmth when a wind sweeps across my bare shoulders with a memorandum to embrace the shift of seasons. The breeze has faint fragrances from the earth and rain-quenched soil. The warm aromas of the autumn are now overpowered by the unfriendly coldness of the winter that is right around the corner. Out on the balcony, I hear the delicate tinkling of the windchime breaking the quiet spell of the night. Even though the house hosts my body, it is the balcony that has always cradled my heart. Sitting in my comfy armchair, each morning I get a glimpse of busy city life while sipping the freshly brewed coffee.
Removing the lacy white curtains from my face, I burst onto the balcony. Within only a fraction of a second, bittersweet emotions sweep inside me. He’s here, again.
Once, just this once, he was the only reality I believed in, but not anymore. I try to find the loop holes that made him track me down as silent panic fills my gut.
“You look good in short hair.” He tells me, tucking the lock behind my ear and falling back into the chair. Momentarily, I believe in fate again before snapping out of it.
I hate his guts for walking in and looking so handsome, but I don’t regret walking away from him at all. “Didn’t we have the closure discussion long ago? This can’t be a catchup.”
“Is there any part of you that wants me?” He makes it sound fun and flirty, as if he isn’t the one who left me ugly crying on the bathroom floor each day for weeks.
There’s always some part of me that longs to love and be loved, I want to say, but I can’t admit to his devilish charms. “You mean, give you another chance to spout off lies and leave me behind?”
“Don’t make it sound so one-sided, we practically shared a life together once –”
“And then you decided to abandon me.”
As these words leave my mouth, I realize that the familiarity of the person I felt closest to is gone. We have shared history and ruined memories with some of the greatest moments of our lives. The crippling anxiety of running into him is gone and facing him doesn’t feel unnerving anymore. I take a seat across him; a sense of peace fills my heart.
“I don’t hate you anymore.” Breaking the ice, I say. “I never did.”
“Do you think we could start over? I think I can treat you better this time.”
“We can try.” After years, I could give him a genuine smile. Maybe time indeed heals everything, or I am forgetful of the heartache.
“Are we on good terms again?” He raises his brows in amusement.
“Maybe.”
Slipping a note in my palm, he’s walking towards the door when I throw one last question at him. “Why is it that whenever I ask about you, everyone talks about heartbreak and yet they end up looking for you?”
“Because they don’t have a choice. I am Love and Love is an intruder, but you can walk away from me.”
I leave my seat behind and follow his trail, but it’s too late. He has already left. As soon as I switch on the lights to look at the piece of paper crimpled in my palm, the doorbell rings. I open the door at once, but it’s not Love.
You walk in and ask me, “Were you waiting for me? I didn’t know you would be home.”
“No, I went to see him off –” My attention is divided as I read your name scribbled on the paper.
… And I didn’t know you are my home.
“Who?” You ask.
I slip the paper in my pocket and walk to your side. “Tonight, Love stopped by.”
